Following the news that Hollywood actor Wesley Snipes has been jailed for three years for tax offences, we at The Score, have managed to get an exclusive transcript from a call that Snipes received from legendary comedian Ken Dodd (also accused of tax evasion in 1989). Apparently, Dodd called Snipes in an effort to “cheer the old fella up a bit”…

WESLEY: Uh… Hello?

KEN: Wes! It’s Ken!

WESLEY: Who?

KEN: Ken Dodd, you silly old fool. look, I just thought it’d be tittifilarious to give you a call, to give you a chuckle while you’re there in the big house. I was lucky, of course, they didn’t get me in the clink….

WESLEY: … Er… Who is this please?

KEN: Yes, you just want to do what I did, lad. Hide your money in the suitcase upstairs! The Diddy Men helped me of course…

WESLEY: The Diddy what?

KEN: You know… The Diddy Men from the Jam Butty mines!

WESLEY: uh…. P Diddy did WHAT with whose Butt?

KEN: Do you have a tickling stick, Wes? It’ll come in handy in the nick, you know, it’ll give the other lads a laugh. Do you crack a few jokes, Wes?

WESLEY: Tickling what? What the @!*!’s your deal man? Who IS this muthafu…

KEN: Anyway chin up lad, I’ll send over some of me records, you’ll be tickled by “Tears”. Shall I sing a bit? “Teeearrs, for souvenirs, are all you left meee…..”

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…(dead line)

KEN: Hello? Wes, are you there?

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Mister Fusty

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